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edwinnie20
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Name: ed
Birthday: 6/11/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: jesus, people, frisbee, music, hott pink, and sleeping.
Expertise: making people laugh; even if it means they are laughing at me and not with me. it doesnt matter who you are, youll laugh. or ill kill you.
Occupation: student
Industry:
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/28/2004
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| am i the only one who thinks its funny that lately everyone and a bag o' chips becomes a photographer when they graduate college and cant find a real job? i know, i know, we all took photojournalism in high school and youre a natural. nevermind that degree you worked so hard and paid so much for. happy snapping! -edwin | | |
| im about to leave portland for texas again. its a sad thing. i have experienced this feeling several times and it never really gets any better. i feel like im content in texas. then i fly to oregon. then i hang out with my friends and have a great time. then its time to go back to texas and all of a sudden, im not so content anymore. i was never into hiking, or biking, or any of the standard hippie activities that are so prominent in oregon when i lived here. but now that i live there, i realize that i literally dont have the option to do any of those things. no snowboarding. no mountain biking. no hiking. no beach. how sad that i never took advantage of all that was available to me and it took moving half-way across the country to realize how much of an advantage i had. hindsight.
anyway, think God is dealing with me on something that i never have given a lot of thought to. ive always had this thing inside me that loves to stand in opposition to things that i see that i think are wrong. anytime i think something is stupid, or could be done differently, i like to say so and i dont really care whether anyone likes it, or not. i still dont think there is anything really wrong with that, but i think God is trying to tell me to stand up for the things i believe in, rather than stand against the things i dont. same effect, different actions. in essence, its a much smoother approach to disagreeing with things, which i am naturally proned to do. side note: its either that i am naturally proned to disagreeing, or that other people are naturally proned to doing things the dumb way. in fact, its not even either/or, its a mixture of the two. thats all ill say on that.
i had an interesting discussion this weekend about my relationship with ari. i have a question. why is it, that when a girl tells you about a problem shes having, she is just telling you for the sake of you being there to listen? if i try to offer help, it is generally not well received. i had two different girls tell me that she is not looking for a solution to the problem, but rather just looking for a response. *insert baffled face here. when i tell someone about a problem im having, its because i cant figure out how to alleviate the irritating situation on my own. why else is it necessary to say anything about it? if you can somehow get passed the first illogical portion of this situation, try to undertake the following one. so, if im supposed to not fix her problem and just sit there and be talked at, why is it that girls constantly want to tell me not to try to fix her problem? arent they trying to fix my problem by the simple act of telling me what not to do? "dont try to fix her problem. thats not what she wants. just listen and respond. that will fix your problem." im bombarded to the point of puking with relationship advice from women, yet they all want to sit around and tell me that my problem is that im trying to fix things all the time. explain to me why it is that if you dont want to have your problems fixed by someone else, you think that your input is so invaluable to me that i want to have my problems fixed by you. fortunately for me, i am a man and i take joy in the process of pointing out the situational irony here and at the same time am capable of LISTENING to a solution to my problems and APPLYING it to my life.
another good one. i heard a woman the other day talking about how frustrating it is when her husband laughs when she is mad, because it makes her laugh and then shes not mad anymore, when she just wants to be mad. i asked her, "why would you want to be mad?" no response. "really. because if you can avoid being mad at someone you have to live with for the rest of your life, why would you willingly choose to be mad at them?" again, no response. is it just me, or is that ridiculous? dont even think about answering that, its ridiculous.
in summation, so far ive got someone who just feels like being mad at someone else, when they could easily avoid it and ive got two people who want to try to fix my problems by telling me not to fix other peoples problems. hmmm. i guess we should try for best 3 outta 5 on the smart idea attempts.
well, my plane is flying out. gotta go.
edwin.
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| hello, lovely world of xanga! i hope everyone is doing great today. id ask how youre doing, but you cant answer me, so i wont ask. its been quite a while since i updated my little weblog here. lets see whats new since last time i wrote. well, first off, im less angry than last time i wrote on here i think. and i think thats because i am no longer a sagu student. i am currently on staff with the school, but its not quite the same since i dont have to live in the dorms with all of those people that i didnt really know. i have a nice little apartment with derek schauer. and soon chris will be here and we will all get together and have ourselves a gay old time. just like the flintstones. without the women. ari and i are still dating. good for me! i finally have a girlfriend. shes the first one since i broke up with my ex in high school. im pretty happy about that. this is the first time i have felt like i was ready to be involved in a relationship in about 5 years. i mean, i would have ignored the fact that i didnt feel ready in a couple instances, but i feel peaceful and thats weird. i guess i was pretty consistent with the random dates and making out, but afterward it just never felt like it was a good idea to commit. probably because i was getting all the good parts of having a relationship without having to actually work at having one. i suppose you eventually feel like the kissing and whatnot is just an empty substitute for real happiness and eventually you want someone to really care about you... if youre a girl. but im not and the fun stuff without the drama was pretty nice. i figure i must like her a lot, because if i didnt, i would just drop the obligation of being committed to one person exclusively. she makes me happy. but dont tell her that, because she doesnt know i have a weblog on here and i gotta keep her thinking that im just on the verge of dumping her at the slightest wrong move. this way shes always striving for my unattainable approval and i can keep her on a short leash. its kind of my pms damage control. the closer she thinks i am to breaking up with her, the less she lets her emotional insanity get the better of her. i might have to break up with her (on the 2nd of august) and get back together with her (on the 5th of august) once this summer just to make sure she knows i mean business. i just read that last paragraph. and now im laughing to myself. im just kidding about all that dumping business. she will most likely be the one to do the dumping if it happens at all. shes a little pooper. i think that we need to get some of these college graduates into the fast food industry. i went on a breakfast run this morning to whataburger and burger king for craig and kyle and myself. it was a disaster. in my little world, the process of serving fast food is a simple, mindless cycle. step one: i tell them what i want. step two: they push the buttons on the register. step three: i give them the money. step four: they give me the food. (repeat with next customer) but ooooh no, they are incapable of sticking to the four steps for some reason, unbeknownst to me. i order a biscuit with gravy. in my mind, a person would think, "that requires a fork." no fork in the bag. i order a biscuit with strawberry jelly. no jelly in the bag. ok, the first one i can kind of understand. but if someone asks for a biscuit and strawberry jelly, theres no reading between the lines, or cryptic body language to decipher there. just get the jelly and put it in the effin bag, for craps sake. that was whataburger. then i went to bk, so i could wake up with the king. they failed to give me my orange juice. and they asked if i wanted ketchup, but i guess they were just asking for the 'h' of it, because after i said i wanted it, they did not give it to me. *confused  . now, i think it would be somewhat offensive if i worked in a fast food restaurant and some dude took his bag of food from me and checked through it to make sure i got everything right. id be all like, "hey broheim, its not complicated. you tell me what you want and i put it in the bag. im competent well enough to perform the simple functions of the fast food assembly line service." evidently, i think wrong. because that job must require that you be some highly evolved, transcending alien life force that can make a bike fly with his glowing finger, in order to perform the four step and repeat process of taking and fulfilling an order. im supposed to be at an all-campus prayer meeting right now. so im going to go to it and bring the fire from heaven down. laters. edwin. ps- its kind of fun that you get to rate your blogs now. lets keep it in the basic guidance range, fellas. c'mon. pss- i mispelled "public" up there at the title. oops. | | |
| back in texas. i went to colorado with my RA, derek schauer, and had a great time. immediately following the 12 hour car ride (only two stops) i realized that i had pinched a nerve in my back and for the next 4 days dealt with the constant pain that ensued. i have broken bones before and it hurt less. however, it was awesome. dereks dad gave me an industrial sized pain killer for one of the nights, so i got plenty of rest for the whole trip. colorado is beautiful. i love the mountains and the weather and life in a real city. we ate a ton of food. good food. i caught up on sleep. i sat down and watched a hockey game and much to my surprise, it was more exciting than most other sports. we tried to go shopping, but there wasnt much that was worthy of money, so i didnt spend much. over all, it was a sweet break from sagu. i went to the scum of the earth church in denver (all alone, because derek went to his own church) and it was shocking. it was a lot different than i had anticipated it being, but in a way that was surprisingly refreshing. heres what i expected: 1) trendy hipsters 2) goths 3) five iron frenzy fans 4) a few "cool parents" heres what i got: 1) LOTS of homeless people 2) trendy hipsters 3) broken, desperate, hurting people i realized that i grew up in yuppy church culture; in a little christian bubble; in the suburbs of christianity. i have been to one other church where there were people who looked like they were actually desperate when they sang "im desperate for you" to God and when i was there i thought, "if i attended this church regularly, it would only be to help out. it would be hard to get anything out of this." the scum church was different. the message was deeply theological and actually applicable to every day life. the speaker used examples from his own life that left him very vulnerable and honest in front of the body. the statement of faith was at the back table and lines up pristinely parallel with biblical standards. they served food that they had made for a half hour before the service. there was real fellowship among the people. in the midst of homeless, dirty, broken, hollow shells of people there was amazing beauty. i talked to the assistant pastor and he gave me the statement of faith, a few stickers, his cell number and told me to read the website and call him after i pray about going down there to help out. i told him what i expected to do if i moved there and his response was exactly what i wanted it to be. i like that they are open to receiving, but on Gods terms. so that was cool. next weekend i am going to a deftones concert which will also include motocross, bmx, and various forms of skating (or so ive been told) and i am stoked. the deftones is a sweet band, theyve been around for 900 years and i am glad that i will get to see them before they are no longer making music. plus, i like watching people wreck themselves on different vehicles and half-pipes. awesome. anyway, im about to go eat dinner and hopefully get some people together to throw a frisbee around a bit before it gets dark. hope everyone is loving their semester at sagu, or their life in oregon, or their life in kyrgisomethingorother. laters. -edwin | | |
| well, here we are, deep in the heart of texas. maybe not that deep, but deeper than i would wish to be. today was beautiful. the sun was out, the birds were singing and it was neither too hot, nor too cold. it was not humid. it was perfect. one of the few times so far this year that i have stepped outside and thought, "holy crap, it sure is nice today."
its been a month since i last posted. i realized that last night and thought tonight would be a good time to further put off doing the homework that is due tomorrow before my spanish test and update the xanga world as to the pointless happenings in my life. here we go.
i aced my first test. (still cant believe this place is a college)
ultimate frisbee is basically dead.
the battery on my ipod is perma-dead no matter how much i charge the little turd.
i am going to see "minus the bear" in october. (i think)
i discovered that i need people more than i thought.
i miss oregon. (friends mostly)
i am going to colorado in october for fall break.
ok, so i lied, there is a said happening that is not pointless.
i am extremely excited about going to colorado. i am contemplating moving there for no reason at all, other than to help out at a church called, "the scum of the earth." its a really wierd idea, in the sense that i dont know anything about the church other than reese roper (the five iron frenzy lead singer) started it, but when i heard that he started a church i felt this old familiar excitement that i remember categorizing as the Holy Spirit the last couple of times i felt it. i love the way mr. roper thinks about christianity, i love the way he articulates what he believes and i love the premise of a church that involves the actual acceptance and true love for people regardless of what they look like, how they talk, what they wear, or any other superficial, aesthetic, down-right stupid crap that i have been witnessing around me in the church for the last 3 years. its time to grow up folks. i was about 3 when my parents told me not to judge a book by its cover; i think thats pretty much a basic moral code that even the pagans and heathens live by, yet somehow, in the one institution where judgement, stereotyping and assumptive attitudes have no place, (the church, in case you didnt catch that) it has been over looked so drastically that i am beginning to believe people are doing it purposefully, just to make me mad. its like the body of Christ is pointing its finger and laughing at me. "look at us, we hate the faggots. stay out of the bars and the areas where there might be godless sinners. their only goal and purpose in life is to drag you down to hell with them. God cant use you if you get tattoos and if youre a boy, piercings are out of the question. tee hee, look at him squirm. next we should say something about how good christians dont watch rated r movies, even though the passion of the Christ is rated r. he might have an aneurism..."
all this to say, i want to go and DO SOMETHING, rather than sit around and be told about all the things i shouldnt be doing. i want to pack up all my worthless junk and go help to further the cause of a church that is inevitably imperfect, but at least stands for something biblical. so, colorado, here i come for fall break and if they are willing to use me in any way, by this time next year, i hope to have moved there, obtained a job and started putting all this energy ive got into something that i am not ashamed to be a part of. something that displays love, something that lives and breathes, something that isnt afraid of mistakes, because God can use them for his glory and the intention and agenda is to call attention to Him and not me anyway.
other than that, i dont really have a lot more to type about. the only thing that i am totally intrigued about lately is the moving prospect. some day i might have something a little more normal to type about, like a girlfriend, or my family, but for now, no.
one good thing that i doooo need to mention is that the deep ellum church is a breath of fresh air. they are a shining exception to the status quo of church life as it affects me. i love that church. unfortunately, they dont need any help in the areas that i can actually help with, or i would probably stay in dallas for a while. all i know is distance ed is lookin pretty nice and colorado is one of the most beautiful places i have ever been. i havent been that many places, so im fairly ignorant, but it is breath-taking and i would count myself smiled upon by God if afforded the opportunity to live there for a while. how corny.
that seems like enough for now. laters.
-edwin
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